Ed, Envy and the Laundry Basket
by Spirix
Summary: Simple tasks are never simple when certain someone says your the girl of the couple and you should hold the laundry basket. They become even less simple when there are people to witness... Edvy...


**Disclaimer: **I don't own that FMA and I sing it in my own way!

Edited because fanfic took random spaces after periods at some point after posting.

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**Ed, Envy and the Laundry Basket**

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"You hold it!" Edward growled and shoved the basket at his lover.

Envy shoved it back, some of the bedding hanging over the side precariously. "Hell no, do I look like the laundry type?"

"You," Ed pushed forward, "look more girly than me!"

"What? I do not. You have the 'look' more than me!" Envy thrust the basket into Edward's stomach.

"You have that delicate frame!" Edward ground his teeth and held his ground.

Envy's eyes flashed."You have that long pretty hair! Get a hair cut you fucking MAN!"

"Ha! You're one to talk. At least mine isn't past my hips! Besides, we all know it's in the eyes; if you had any longer lashes we would have to cut them!" Edward smirked at his triumph but it was short lived.

"Well at least I'm not short like a little girl!" Envy yelled for the bystanders in the room to hear. There was a shared gasp when Edward dropped the basket and leaped at Envy, shoving him to the floor.

Al watched in disbelief as the two grappled and rolled around the Base Laundromat. Who knew teaching these two how to clean up their own messes would be such a task. Al was just tired of washing their sheets EVERY day since there was only the one pair. He mused idly about recommending that they have sex in the shower more often, but the thought of the hydro bill made his armour queasy.

He obligingly lifted one foot, then the other as the two rolled by.

"Guys… hey guys, Hey!" Al tried to get their attention, but they were too caught up in their wrestling match to care. He sighed and sat one of the machines, content to just read his book after the last of the patrons scurried away.

"Hey Al!" Maes Hughes came up to him with a grin. "Wow, this place is empty for a Monday. How have you been?"

Al noticed Ed and Envy had rolled to the other side of the row of machines, hidden, so he felt it was safe to chat with the man. "Oh fine, just doing the laundry."

Maes noticed the basket discarded on the floor. Al would have leaped to get to it first but the corner of the washer he was on was caught onto his loin cloth. Maes picked the basket up and smiled. "It's not going to get very clean on the floor."

Al gave him a nervous laughed and look at the sheets. There were suspicious stains right there on top and if he didn't hurry, the man would see them. Al may not approve of his brother's sexual endeavours, but he wouldn't deny that it made Ed happy. He guessed that was all that mattered and was strangely protective of that fact.

It was then that Ed decided to open his big fat mouth. "HA! You think you're so tough! Try and wiggle that girly ass of yours out of this choke-hold! You may be awesome at sex but you'll never match my grappling skills ya pansy!"

Hughes's eyes grew wide. He placed the basket on the folding table and went to peak over the row of machines. Al made a quick decision. "Ed! Why don't you and your GIRLFRIEND come out and say 'hi' to Mr. Hughes?"

There was a small yelp just before Hughes and Al peeked over at the floor.

"Hi there! You must be the Lieutenant Colonel Hughes I've heard so much about." A girl grinned up at them while straddling Ed. She had on a very short black kilt and a white blouse that barely contained her bulging breasts. Al knew it was still Envy of course, but his…shape was rather shocking. The fierce red blush spreading across Ed's face to his neck indicated he thought the same.

"Well hello there yourself young lady." Hughes looked like he was trying to fight off a smile and pulled out his camera. Before Al could stop him, the man was taking a picture between every word. "You're – just - a - pretty - little - thing. - I'll - need - to - take - a - picture – for – Ed – to – have – on – his – dresser."

Envy smiled and posed sweetly on top, while Ed tried desperately to sink into the floor. Why wasn't Al saving him? Just when Ed thought it couldn't get any worse, Envy spoke.

"I doubt there'd be room on his dresser. It's covered in books that only end up on the floor when we slam into it. Really I don't see why he keeps putting them back up. It's not like they stay their long." The sin topped off that statement with a lusty wink.

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Edward stood outside the door to the office the next day. He could here them laughing and tried to convince himself it was something completely unrelated. Mustang had just fried one of Havoc's cigarettes, that's all. He took a breath and opened the door.

"And then she gave me the sexiest wink I could ever imagine!" Hughes said in a lavish voice, gesturing to a poster sized picture of a scantily clad girl, grinning like a cat with a very red Edward between her thighs.

Edward froze as the full room turned to look at him.

"Well Fullmetal, that's on fine piece of ass you got there," Mustang winked.

Havoc added, "Yeah does she have an older sister?"

"Oh the eldest Elric is all grown up." Armstrong was in tears in the corner. "I hope you don't forget your dear younger brother as you take the next steps into manhood."

_Ka-chink._

"Edward," Hawkeye looked at him, gun withdrawn from its holster, "I hope you don't think this is appropriate behaviour for someone your age."

"Indeed, this is a public place. Are you using protection?" Falman contributed.

"He better not be because he shouldn't be doing anything requiring protection. Right, Edward?" Riza was taking aim, so Ed ran for it.

He had never been more horrified and humiliated in his life. "Fucking laundry basket! I know exactly what I'm going to do with it when I get home. I'm going to shove it right up his girly—!"

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**END**

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**a/n: **So this is to commemorate Silky (silkendreammaid for those that are new) for being a member of Fanfiction for a year today. Well a year yesterday… I'm late. She asked for Ed, Envy and a Laundry Basket, so here it…

Anyways, Silky has given us 365 days of good quality fics we've all had the benefit of reading, and just think, she doesn't even get paid. Consider this an overdue cheque, and before you even say it, I KNOW you deserve more, but I'm not your employer so –sticks tongue out— complain about back pay somewhere else.

So cheers to a year of writing and hopes for another just as full of ficking fun! (not a typo lol)

-rix the demon


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